

True Love
By Kaleem Aziz
I
n this world full of deception, most
people are not ready to believe True Love exists. For most, True Love is a
fantasy of a charming Prince and a beautiful Princess meeting in a garden and
living happily forever. This document is an effort to show that True Love is so
profound that it's complete definition is often not fully understood, and the
fact that it is a very difficult path to tread upon. Also, this article makes an
effort to show where most efforts fail, how to find the True Love and what the
final accomplishment feels like. This document has been written after research
by the author on how relationships work and fail. However, through this
document, the only relationship of True Love is attended
to.
What is True Love?
F
irst things first. Most people do not understand
the deep and profound meaning of True Love. True Love is one hundred percent
dedication of the partners towards one another, and a commitment so strong that
it goes for the life. It is the union of two souls which appears as two bodies
to the world, but the partners feel themselves as one. True Love is not a one
man show, but a team effort of trust, loyalty, security, dependability, love,
emotions, dreams, aspirations, and commitments. No wonder, it is so difficult to
accomplish!
Can I fall in True Love?
T
he answer to the question is based on the answer to
yet another question: "What can you give to have this ultimate experience?" If
you are ready to put an effort, do the needy, be ready to do your part of the
'team effort', and finally give your word and stay by it; then the answer is
"Yes".
What does it take to fall in True Love?
L
ike life and death, True Love is a truth of nature. And like
every truth, there are consequences associated with the path you decide to take.
Just like life is led partly and partly it leads us; love is partly our effort
and partly it dictates us - so be ready to expect the unexpected. There are
essentially two qualities that are needed to see and feel the power of True Love
in the lifetime:
- the capacity to love
- the right attitudes
As we proceed further into this document, you'll learn the profoundness of
these two qualities. Though given as simple steps, do always bear in mind that a
lot of emotions are involved, and that tough decisions need to be made. A goal
like True Love is not always easy, and sometimes so difficult as to seem
impossible. Bear in mind that while living is playing with your own life, True
Love is playing with the future of two lives! So, it's not an easy ride; but the
efforts on True Love are more than worth of the troubles and highly rewarding,
when successful.
What should I be ready to take, when I go ahead with the search of True
Love?
B
e ready to take failure. This means, one should be
ready to take rejection, hurt, pain, and still live on for a fresh search. A
failure in this attempt has so much pain and agony, only one who has felt it may
best describe. But bear in mind that if failure is so painful, so should the
efforts at making it work be as strong! So, be ready to take difficulties, and
fulfill your responsibilities to make this relationship work. If you are facing
difficulties on the path of True Love, then it means it needs more fuel put in,
more efforts to go in, more sacrifices to be made - by both the
partners.
Are there different types of True Love?
A
very good question. Yes! As a part of this
research, love is not just between the opposite sex of two human beings. It has
much broader definitions and implications. However, the explanation of this is
beyond the scope of this document, though the contents and definitions of True
Love remain the same.
Is there an example of True Love?
A
s people say, True Love is unconditional. True Love
is loving one another for all the good and the bad of each partner. And it
cannot be so weak as to break on the basis of a disagreement or argument. The
best example of True Love is mother's love. It is unconditional, it is unbiased,
it has seen difficulties, it has taken time to ripen, and it is two sided (who
in the right mind doesn't love his/her mother?). A mother is like a tree that
gives it's children everything from shade to firewood, all the time paying a
high cost for the relationship; but does get enough out of the relationship to
keep her contented.
I am dying to hear the qualities under "capacity to
love"!
T
he qualities that sum up to capacity to love
are:
- Be ready to pay up: The willingness to give something up to
gain something. It is still better if one is a giver by nature, without
seeking returns.
- Be a team player: The willingness to lose individuality to a
certain extent, so as to be an excellent team player.
- Be strong: The strength to take the truth and the possible
consequences. Don't blame your partner and others for the consequences. If
sufficient reason says that the relationship will not work, then accept the
fact. If you plan to be persistent, then attempt again!
- Be lovable: The willingness to adjust oneself to make others
comfortable; that is, being considerate. Seek happiness of your partner before
anything for yourself. Worry for your partner more than for yourself.
- Be trustworthy: Having sufficient self restraint, so as not
to run behind the first man/woman that makes your heart beat uncontrollably.
- Be ready to learn: At each stage, you learn a new thing
about life and love. Update yourself with the new knowledge. It is a plus if
you are aggressive to acquire knowledge and wisdom.
- Be patient: The thought "life is running out" and being
wacky about getting love in day should go! Don't rush, it never helps.
- Be ready to expect the unexpected: Life and love are similar
on this one count that they often take us places, leading us to newer and
newer discoveries and definitions about ourselves, life, truth, world, nature,
love and universe.
The qualities that do NOT come under the capacity to love
are:
- Physical beauty
- Social background, nationality, creed, traditions
- Sensuality
These factors do not affect True Love because love is a work of
the hearts, which are not dependent on any of these factors.
And, what is the profound meaning of "right
attitudes"?
T
he attitudes that one must have are:
- The way to go: Aim for success, but remember the
consequences of failure.
- One life, one love: Make the first love work. On the other
hand, True Love doesn't end by switching/losing the partner (can you disown
your own mother?).
- Let it grow and ripen: True Love takes time to grow.
- What love is not: Crush, fascination, admiration,
infatuation, marriage, friendship, sympathy, etc., are not synonymous to True
Love. They often may be the starting points to work on.
- Respect your partner's past: The attitude to accept
partner's previous relationships (if any) as a part of his/her life. Those
experiences are the ones that made your partner what he/she is today.
- Love has no bounds: True Love is not bound or governed by
region, religion, culture, color, age or social background. Nevertheless,
these factors do affect longevity of the relationship, if not analyzed and
understood before hand.
- Allow enough breathing space: Understand that enough liberty
is to be available to each partner; in spite of the commitments. It is seen
that the three major factors for the failure of relationships are:
Too
much possessiveness, so as to cut out the freedom in each other's life.
Misunderstanding and misconception due to suspicion and insufficient
interaction.
Unequal sense of responsibility or intensity of reciprocation. While
one partner makes the sacrifices, the other makes no, or minimal, attempt to
adjust.
The same is true of True Love as well.
- The tests of one love cutting the path of other: The biggest
failure point is the weakest link. When one love challenges the other, this
becomes the toughest time to make decisions. For instance, if parents' love
were to challenge your partner's love, or vice versa - what would you do? The
right attitude would be to take this as a test of love and work on it as a
team.
- Love is a game of emotions: Know the fact that in war and
love, it is the internal factors that cause more damage than the external
factors. The thoughts, the emotions, and the memories are bigger factors to be
dealt with; than the world getting together to separate the partners.
- Clear misconceptions of approaching the partner wrongly:
True Love depends on mutual trust and mutual respect, rather than sensuality
and the chemistry between the two bodies. True Love is way above carnal or
material lust.
- Be normal, not pretentious: Seduction and flirting are ways
to impress. And the bond so developed is weak. The day the mask falls off, the
world around you will collapse. The progress to True Love, on the other hand,
must be unpretentious.
- A person is not simple to understand: The understanding that
every person is complex person due to his/her past experiences. To fall in
True Love, each partner has to accept, and adjust to, the other's
characteristics. A good exercise is to attempt to describe your partner in
written words, and then you'll know how complex he/she is! Also, each person
has a story, so do you. Know each other before you reach the stage of making
commitments.
- Let the emotions pave the path: Love is not by measuring,
but by letting the emotions do some guiding. And when you feel it, it is
unwise to hide it.
- Count your real assets: Understand that in this world of
deception and pretentiousness, your assets (like beauty or wealth) are working
both in your favor and against you. A good test of love is to, sometime, try a
situation where you are left with your qualities alone (without the assets),
and look at the partner's response.
- Know the foundation on which your love is built: Have the
attitude to look for stronger bonding factors between the partners. Qualities
of the partner are often the best bet to keep the relationship running; rest
all change. For instance, if love is based on admiration, then keeping your
partner interested will be stressful.
- Have a hold on yourself: Strong self restraint so as not to
go to the next person who appears appealing. This will help multifold in being
trustworthy, keeping current relationship, and being able to use discretion.
- Wait for the right one: This is one of the most difficult
thing to do. Indulge, and your chances of proving to the right one will be
weaker! It is not sufficient to have the hope of finding the right one; have
faith (i.e., blind hope) in that he/she is somewhere; only that he/she may not
be looking.
- Falling in love 'head over heals' is often not the right path to
achieve True Love: When you do not buy a car without testing, when you
do not purchase a house without research; how can you trust your life in an
unknown partner's hands? Being blind in love can give you one of the worst
times of your life, when it doesn't materialize. Also, looks deceive, so don't
be caught in this trap expecting True Love. Give your life to the most
deserving person!
- Anything may happen: Love to a larger extent dictates what
happens with you and your partner, rather than you deciding your next move.
Have your mind ready for eventualities, and have the 'fight back' spirit as a
team, against on-coming hurdles.
As the author of this research and document, would you give us
some advice?
H
ere's a list of steps or guidelines to go ahead
with True Love. Though they appear straight forward, it is a complex world to
follow/fulfill them.
- Searching for the right one: Often True Love is not the
result of searching, it's the result of being alert. It's important not to
lose the right one, so be on the watch out at normal get-together parties, or
social gatherings. In comparison the chances of finding the right one when
both are searching is very rare.
- Be difficult to fall in love, and don't let go once you find
love: The sooner you understand this, the better it is for the search
of the right one.
- Question your characteristics of ideal person: Most young
persons fumble several times before they realize that it's not what they are
seeking to be happy. They speak of ideal characteristics in the opposite sex
that'd please them, off the top of their mind. Whereas, in reality, they are
very happy with a different set of characteristics in the opposite sex. Are
you a victim of the same problem? Be realistic about your person when seeking
ideal characteristics. The best advice is to seek a person with qualities;
qualities that do not fade over time. Beauty, physical attraction, etc., are
not the best qualities to go by.
- First impression: First impressions are in most cases wrong,
but don't let that discourage you from knowing a person's true attributes. One
must absolutely make the first step in order to work for the goal, and that's
what you should think you are doing. Lose the right moment, and you'll have
your life to repent for!
- Your heart gives the signal: Do you feel something for
someone? It might just be the hormones, but also remember that these are the
first indications for the birth of what will turn into love. Remember that it
is not enough if you like one characteristic of the person - especially if
he/she is a winner. So, know him/her better, if you have to give your heart to
him/her in future.
- Response from opposite side: If the response from the person
you are seeing is unequal, either try to make him/her believe of your
interest; or give up. However, being persistent is the better option. Someday
he/she will realize. He/she will give signals, especially through body
language. Be alert to get this first-hand feedback. Depending on information
from other sources, to decide whether he/she likes you or not, is not a very
good thing to rely on. And, remember that even the dumbest ones understand, so
don't think one should be an expert with the opposite sex to find True Love.
- Check if you are being straight or pretentious: Don't be
over zealous about a person. And don't misrepresent yourself. However, due to
anxiety a lot happens that isn't true. Time has it's ways to correct these, so
be unperturbed.
- The one you are seeing is too good to be true: Watch out,
for this may be due to your fascination; or the person you are seeing is a
good actor or liar; or you are really lucky. Know which of this is the case;
and again the time will tell.
- Watch the actions, not what he/she says: Words are
insufficient, luring and deceptive. So are the actions. Observe your person of
interest when he/she is normal and casual; and is not on his guard to be
showy, or is miserable because he/she is in love with you. That's the best way
of beating pretentiousness, sidelining incapability of communicating the right
feeling, and getting to know him/her. Very few people can say how they feel,
and much fewer people can stick to the tall claims they make when they are
with you.
- The past is as important as the present, in deciding the
future: When you are deciding your future with a new person, make a
conscious attempt to know his/her past and background. What he/she says may
not always be the truth, especially if you have lucrative assets. Knowing your
partner involves knowing him in several of the things that he/she does, and
knowing what made him/her the person he/she is today. If you cannot, then
better go for someone with a highly compatible upbringing and background.
- Question yourself of what the foundation of love is: What do
you think is (or are) the factor(s) for keeping you together this far? Do you
think it is strong enough to live along? If not, try finding better ways to
make this a stronger relationship. Weak relationships fade away before you
realize. Have you and your partner proved yourself through difficulties?
- Educate the partner: When you are on the look out for Love,
it is unlikely that the person who is your match is on the look out. Or it is
quite possible that he/she has the characteristics but is not ready for it. Or
does not understand what love with you means. This is the most common thing
that happens to people who have not grown up together. Try educating him/her
about love as you see it. This is a difficult phase, but have faith in
learning; if you know he/she is the right one.
- Be ready to learn and adjust: It is impossible to get all
the qualities in one person. Also, since you are educating your partner to
your ways; be ready to be receptive to some learning yourself.
- Don't rush into each other: Everything takes time. So also,
knowing your partner is not one day exercise.
- Don't own each other: Master-slave relationships are not
setups for True Love. Remember that your partner has other things in life
besides you, even if he/she loves you dearly. The rule of thumb is to keep
your relationship as open as friendship, despite the commitments. Also,
understand that the purpose of love is not possession of your partner. The
intention should be care, welfare and happiness of your partner.
- Understand the commitments, and stand up to it: Falling out
on responsibility is what gives scope for mistrust. Never do things that will
crack your bond, if you are serious about the relationship. And don't take a
forgiving partner too much for granted.
- Difficulties are meant to strengthen love, not break it: It
is the love of the weaker souls who want to split when faced with
difficulties. True Lovers cannot live without each other, so they try to work
on the difficulties to solve them, together.
- Prefer the love that comes your way: Love is like a
handshake. Take the hand forwarded to you. This way half the work is already
done!
- Be fair to each other: Love is attained when someone finds
you lovable. Love cannot be supplied on demand, no matter what the luring
method used is. For eternal True Love, give and take love; nothing else works.
- Don't run away from the society with your partner: Though
this is advisable if you'll be killed otherwise; it is best to proclaim your
love. If you run away, you cannot be sure whether you'll be used and discarded
by your partner, or will be with your partner forever. Running off from the
society is an easier thing to do; but it doesn't prove the strength of your
love.
- Take parents' approval: Don't underestimate the insight and
wisdom of your parents. Things you cannot see are seen by them. Also, always
remember that your parents love you too, and they want the best for you. So,
your love and partner must go through their acceptance, to prove the truth of
your love. This can sometimes be the big test of love (love cutting love).
What will you keep and what are you willing to lose? If your partner deserts
at this moment, having given you commitments; then forget him/her because
he/she is not meant for you. Most partners can prove their love only till they
are comfortable; and when the seat is hot, they give up. Seek for a partner
who takes up humiliation or disrespect; yet has the guts to convince your
parents that he/she is the right one for him/her. Such a partner will never
leave your side. Also, sometimes, parents' skepticism about your partner may
be attributed to their lack of knowledge about him/her. You may have to work
as a team to educate them. As a rule of thumb, it is best not to indulge till
you pass this step.
- Keep the love you have won: Falling in love is the small
part; keeping it is much more challenging. As an analogy, falling in love is
writing the qualification exam; and staying with each other happily is like
going through the course for which you were qualified. It is a continuous
process of give and take. You discover even more about your mate than you had
known before. Let the relationship grow with every passing moment. Be aware of
the venom of suspicion and jealousy in spoiling your relationship. Clearing
misunderstandings by talking, and giving your partner the opportunity to
correct are the best ways to keep a relationship running.
- Love is love, even when you and your partner are physically
apart: Love is possible when the partners are separated. And the
intensity of love and trust does not go down with the separation; because the
place in heart for the partner cannot be given up easily.
- Love is love, even when you lose your partner: True Love
does not cease to exist with the loss of the partner. Love is possible in
memories. Love is possible in dreams. It is this fact of True Love that is
most impressive.
- One sided love is not love: It is a misconception that
one-sided love is love. Can a handshake happen with only one hand?
- Love, romance and sex: Today's world makes them seem so
synonymous. Infact, that is one reason why the love being described in this
document had to have the name "True Love". Romance is the means to prophesize
love. However, today, romance is a means to fool the mind of being in love,
and an easy means to seduce/flirt. So also, sex is the means by which adults
convey their trust and love; but in today's world, for some, it has no more
meaning than pleasure, entertainment and fun. To those who are unaware,
romance and sex when truly in love are experiences that those who indulge
(without falling in love) can never experience or understand.
How does it feel to be in True Love?
I
t is much easier to say, "Fall in love and you'll
know!" The intimacy, the trust, the capability to read each other, the
dependability, the understanding, and the security each partner has for the
other will make living a bliss. The stress of keeping the relationship will
appear small in comparison to the pleasure gained. It'll seem like living is
impossible without the other. The union of two hearts, two bodies and two souls;
acceptance by the world, the struggles of the past, and the secure future,
increase the love between the two. Everyday feels safe, every night is romantic
and erotic; and it'll feel like life will never cease giving pleasures. Love
teaches you how to be positive about life, how to help, how to be compassionate,
how to respect others, how to be polite, how to develop the right attitudes and
how to advise others about the right way to live. Dreams are pleasurable, there
is fun in small things in life, world appears beautiful, your partner's face
appears to glow like the sun, you'll feel like you are in heaven, you'll
absolutely love living and will relish every moment you spend with the one you
love. With your partner in arms reach, you'll feel nothing can go wrong, nothing
can ever bog you down. You'll lose all track of time when you spend time with
your partner. And when you have time to spare, the memories and thoughts of your
partner occupy your mind -- consciously or unconsciously.
A beautiful poem by Rumi will tell it all:
A lover asked his beloved,
Do you love yourself more
Than you love me?
The beloved replied,
I have died to myself
And I live for you.
I've disappeared from myself
And my attributes.
I am present only for you.
I have forgotten all my learnings,
But from knowing you
I have become a scholar.
I have lost all my strength,
But from your power
I am able.
If I love myself
I love you.
If I love you
I love myself.

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